Have you ever wondered what on earth God is doing? Do you ever find yourself stuck in the same set of circumstances you were in this time last year? Do you ever ask yourself what did I miss that I have to come back to this place? Do you ever look up at God and say you're tired? You are not alone. This world is full of Christ followers who find themselves wrestling with those same feelings. I know because I am one of them.
It amazes me how I can be so filled with peace about my circumstances and still have these questions. They are not worrisome questions. They are questions I ask when I feel I have missed something or I fail to see the purpose in being put through the same trials. Sometimes they are spoken out of frustration and sometimes out of weariness.
It's difficult to understand why God continues to allow certain things in our lives. Especially the things that we thought we handled pretty well the last time we went through them. If you are like me, sometimes it seems inefficient to repeat the same struggles. What do you do when you can't get an answer to the question why? What about when you can't see the purpose in the testing because it seems identical to the things you have been tested with before?
These are the things that I find myself pondering lately. I wish I could say that I know the exact answers but I don't. Here is the conclusion I have come to concerning these wearisome repeat trials of life... as long as I can see God I am okay. As long as His hand is evident and I can get some glimpse of Him at work no matter how small the glimpse, I am good. If He is there in the midst then there is purpose. It reminds me of the story of Peter who got out of the boat and walked on water to Christ. As long as his eyes were fixed on Christ his feet stayed on top of the water and he could walk. The moment his eyes looked away to the storm around him, he no longer walked. He sank. (Matthew 14:22-32)
This time next week I will be doing the same thing that I did this time last year. I will be celebrating my husband being laid off from his teaching job. The girls and I will welcome him home on his last day with party decorations, his favorite pie, and a banner. The only difference this year are the words on the banner. Instead of saying, "Celebrate New Beginnings" it will say "Celebrate God's Plan". That is why I can choose to celebrate these repeat trials. I can celebrate God's plan and purpose in this even though I don't know yet what that is. All I need to know is to keep my eyes fixed on Him and I won't sink!
Each one of us have our own set of trials and some are repetitive. We may never get all of the answers to the "Why?" questions. We may not always be able to see the purpose in them. We have a choice to make. Do we wallow in the weariness? Do we fix our eyes on the One we love and trust Him to keep us from sinking as the storms of life rage around us? Will you join me as I choose not to sink?