"For You light my lamp; The LORD my God illumines my darkness." Psalm18:28. These words have grabbed a hold of me for some time now. I find myself regularly reflecting on the many ways God illumines my darkness. There are many ways that we can experience darkness in this life. We can experience darkness through sin, need of direction, uncertainty about the future, loneliness, the death of a loved one, and depression.
What is your darkness? Have you ever walked a dark path with only the beam of a small flashlight to illuminate one step at a time? Have you been at a place in life where you cannot see any more than where to place one foot in front of you to take that one next step? This is the darkness my husband and I find ourselves in.
Our lives have been like this since my husband's job loss in 2012. I'm a planner and not being able to look ahead drives me nuts! I need to see an end in sight and to know exactly how to get there by planning each step carefully. Yet God has us in this spot of not being able to see an end. We know it's there but we don't know what it is or what exact steps we will need to take to get there. Right now we walk the dark path illumined by the tiny beam of a flashlight, only able to see one step at a time. I have grown tired of this in recent months. I have been eager to close this chapter of our lives move on and start new. These last two weeks God has grabbed a hold of my heart with that verse from Psalm 18 as well as two others, " Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me. He will bring me out to the light, and I will see His righteousness." Micah 7: 8b & 9b. It's not that I have felt alone in this darkness of waiting and not seeing more than one step at a time. It's that I grow impatient. I want to learn what I need to learn and move on to what I hope will be easier more stable times. What I have failed to see is that the process of walking with only God to light my way through this, is precious no matter how long it takes. What I have failed to see is that there won't be a more easy or more stable time up ahead. This IS the easy and stable time BECAUSE I can't see what lies ahead and I HAVE to rely on God completely to light my way.
For my husband and I, walking this dark path has meant only taking the next step that God lights for us and not trying in our own strength. It's meant finishing things that were started instead of leaving them undone and getting side tracked with other things we think are more important. It's meant praying for more work so we can pay our bills, completely dependent on God to supply for us. Oddly enough that is what I have found most comforting in the darkness. Can you believe it? The most comforting part of the darkness has been depending on God to supply our needs. It's been knowing that we don't have a steady pay check but we have Him. He is our stability and as long as we look to Him to light our way, we won't stumble in the darkness.
These past few weeks as I have pondered all these things and spoken to God about them, I have found comfort. I don't know when this chapter of our life will come to an end but I actually find myself sad at the thought of it. I no longer want to rush through the process because I am enjoying His presence so much. I have experienced a closeness and dependency in this period of darkness that I don't want to lose or ever forget. I am thankful that God is our light. I am thankful that no matter what type of darkness we find ourselves in, He illumines it rather than leaving us to stumble along life's paths alone and clueless.
How about you? What is your darkness? Is it illness, depression, loneliness, a need for direction? It doesn't matter what it is He will be your light if you let Him. You don't have to go it alone. You too can enjoy the light of His precious presence in the midst of the darkness!